Holiday Rush

Man what a crazy-ass time of year. From Thanksgiving, to my birthday, to Xmas, then New Year's - it is a BLUR! I bare ly have time to recover from one when the nexy is upon me. A season of potential migraines. I'm actually kind of glad I am no longer the drinker I was, that would only make me more miserable.

OK - I haven't been at this in a while, but I suppose it is always the best thing to work from the top of my head. There's nothing there.

Seriously - just hanging with the kids all week, and I haven't a cynical or funny thought. Nothing interesting to share. Or am I just content with what I have and want to keep it all to myself?

Either way, all quiet here. And that's a good thing.

My Birthday

Happy Birthday to Me!

Time to reflect on another year shot to hell. No, not really. It just amazes me how quickly time goes by. I'm 36 now. Closer to 40. And mentally starting to feel age becoming a factor. I don't like that. I don't think of it in terms of mortality - I mean who wants to live forever? But it's frustrating to realize you have some limitations because your body just doesn't respond the way it used to. Can't get by on 3 hours of sleep. Just can't.

But it's also a good time to reflect on all that the past year has brought me - great times watching my kids grow up, good friends & new friends. Love found & lost. All the things that make a life worth living. It's the total experience. I'm lucky to get to live it.

All I can hope for is that each day is a little better than the one before, and not to worry if it isn't since there's another one coming.

38 Questions

38 Questions: Taken from Ali, who took it from someone else, who took it from somewhere else, and so on and so on...

1) Name the last four things you have bought:
1. A brown shirt at Old Navy
2. 3Rescue Heroes characters
3. sour cream
4. salsa

2) Name four drinks you regularly drink:
1. milk
2. coffee
3. diet coke
4. White Trash Margarita (tequila & Mountain Dew)

3) Last time you cried? last Saturday

4) What’s in your cd player? Robert Palmer - Heavy Nova

5) What’s under your bed? Two storage boxes full of off season clothes, a Thomas the Tank Engine, one sock

6) What time did you wake up today? 8:35am

7) Current hair? short brown shag

8) Current clothes? blue plaid PJ pants, blue Greyhound Rescue T.

9) Current desktop picture?Shirley Manson.

10) Current worry? What next (don't ask.)

11) Current hate? life is to short for hate.

12) Favorite places to be? with my kids, wrestling on the bed.

13) Least favorite place? Long Island.

14) If you could play an instrument? I do play guitar, bass, accordian. So if I could play one I currently don't? Irish (Uilleann) pipes

15) Favorite color(s)? Green.

16) How tall are you? 5'10"

17) Favorite expression? I see, said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

18) One person from your past you wish you could talk to: Barbra Lyke - 7th grade teacher

19) Favorite day(s)? first day of 3-day weekend.

20) Where would you like to go? Right now? Aruba.

21) Where do you want to live when you get married? Again?

22) Favorite food? Porkcops & applesauace.

23) Color of most clothes you own: denim.

24) Number of pillows you sleep with? Four

25) What do you wear when you go to sleep? at least a shirt ;)

26) What were you doing 12am last night? strtuggling to get into bed

27) How old will you be in 10 years? 46

28) What do you think you’ll be doing in 10 years? Keeping my kids out of trouble

29) Do you have braces? No

30) Are you paranoid? Only when I'm not delusional

31) Do you burn or tan? Burn mostly. Not a fan of sun anymore

32) What is the brand of your wallet? what the? Who the F knows?

33) First piercing/tattoo? Ear in 1986

34) First enemy? Mark Cooper.

35) Last person you yelled at? Person driving car in fromt of me going 30 in a 55 zone.

36) Last crush? oh please...

37) Last thing you ate? Chips & salsa.

38) The last time you had sex it was...? too long ago

Heard Some Words

Heard a song today that summed up so much, so many things that happened this year. I thought it very appropriate to share these words today.

Wilco - A Shot In The Arm
The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
Your pillow wept
And covered your eyes
And you finally slept
While the sun caught fire

You've changed

We fell in love
In the key of C
We walked along
Down by the sea
You followed me down
The neck to D
And fell again
Into the sea

You changed
Oh, you've changed

Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Something in my veins bloodier than blood

The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
You changed
Oh, you've changed

What you once were isnt what you want to be any more

©Jeff Tweedy & Wilco

Epilogue

The alleged assailaint was apprehended, and remains in custody. I wait to find out whether this gets held over for trial, or if he pleads the case out.

0115 hrs at the Detective Desk

Just got home from a long, interesting night. Capped it off by giving a statement at the town police department. Seems I foiled a robbery. Well, it wasn't a robbery until the suspect used force by assaulting me. Otherwise it was just shoplifting (lesson one - hope you're taking notes.)

I am fine. No injuries I think. My arm feels funny but it could just be the adrenaline amp that make me feel weird. He did smack me twice in the face and tried to slap the cellphone out of my hand.Now I have all the thoughts rushing in my head - "he could have really hurt me, what was I thinking. it's not my stuff, why did I confront him?" I don't think anyone really thinks of that at the time. So let's tell the story...

This guy walks up and asks about the TVs we had with the DVD players built in, so I tell him we moved them all to the front of the store. Even pointed them out. Cool, he says, and I go back to getting ready for the end of the shift. I look back over to the TVs and I see him pick one up and walk out the front door with it. Not run, just walk, like nothing was going on. Like paying for it was optional. And I admit for a moment or two I was dumbfounded. It was like in my head I was saying "did that guy just walk out the door with a TV? Sonofabitch! He did!"

And so I walked out after him. Again, not ran out but walked. This was all very surreal at the time. I remember muttering "what the fuck?" to myself as I walked out. So there's a car pulled up by the door and my first thought is note the plate number. I see this guy shoving the TV into the back of a two-door domestic car. There is a female driver behind the wheel. So I ask him if he's going to pay for the TV. I wonder if I really expected him to say "Oh yeah, I knew I forgot something..." Nope, not even close. Some nonsense comments that I'll not divulge. I suppose it could be funny, but it might be part of testimony later. Hell, maybe I shouldn't even tell this much detail...But I'll continue.

For whatever reason, I thought I should advise him I'd be calling 911, and presented my cellphone. Thereupon he tried to smack the phone from my hand and smack my face from my body. OK - that's when the "Oh Shit!" mode takes over and I decided it might be best to leave the area. but like a bad movie, I run into the store and into the front entrance doors - which are locked after 10pm. Thankfully he wasn't chasing me, and I was able to get help.

When we returned outside, the guy was seen running across the parking lot. The female had removed the TV from the car. All the rest is BS and stuff I'd rather not say to avoid maybe jeopardizing any part of the case. I would hope it all gets plead out and I don't have to testify, but I will if I need to.

Which brings me back to why did I do that? I guess you don't think, you just act on the type of person you are.I'd like to think I believe in doing what's right, that good should triumph over evil, that there may not be an immediate reward to every good action but you do it anyway. I have values that make me who I am and in times like this you realize what it's all aboutSome of you will say "what about your kids - you might have been shot, or blah blah blah..." True. but I think living the way I do transfers to them a set of ideas & ideals, an attitude towards life & people, and hopefully, a sense of wanting to always do the right thing.

Realizing that, and the fact that I could have been hurt also brings something else to mind - I miss my family. I miss being a family. I don't want to die leaving my family fractured. I want the chance to do the right thing. I want to be with my boys every day. I want to take care of them, take care of my family and grow old with them. I want the chance to share that love each and every day. I've learned from my mistakes, I've become a better person. I know what is important to me, and I know there is more than enough love in my heart for the rest of a lifetime.

Did my whole life flash before my eyes? I don't think so. I hope my whole life is ahead of me.

Nothing Says Christmas Like a Haiku

crystals of newness
fall to cover my landscape
the earth is reborn


* * * * * * * * *


perhaps Scrooge was right
and the holiday season
is naught but a chore


* * * * * * * * *

gleaming and beaming
the face of the child lights up
brighter than my tree


* * * * * * * * *

I give you my heart
I have nothing else to give
My gift is my love


PDH
12/20/2003