Sunday, December 25, 2005

The Gift of Sleep.

After the last day of work, running around at the end of my own week from hell, I dropped into a coma last night at about 9:30. Slept for Fourteen - count 'em - 14 hours!

This is not say I am miraculously feeling SO much better. I'm truthfully woozy and have a slight headache, but what a start to getting myself healed up.

And hey! It's Christmas! More on that later when the kids get their gifts and I go get them back from their mom.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

House of Cards

Please let me make it to Friday.

I think I can make it to Friday. Please let me make it to Friday.

I am tired, I ache all over. Please let me make it to Friday.

I am weak and shaky. Please let me make it to Friday.

I fall asleep at my desk after lunch. Please let me make it to Friday.

I look like hell. Please let me make it to Friday.

I just want to sleep.

I have a week off. I just want to sleep.

I'll turn in when the kids do. I just want to sleep.

I don't have a life anyway. I just want to sleep.

I need to catch up. I just want to sleep.

Buh - I'll be OK. I just want to sleep.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

No Thank You - I'll Break My Own Heart

Some things... well - they are hard to let go. It would be so easy if I could just let go and let it all fade away. But part of me feels a failure if I do that.

Yes you can be over someone and still have feelings for them. Or at least that's what I have told myself.

And then you can have feelings for someone that go unreciprocated. Another healthy thing.

(I apologize for the disjointedness of this entry - the Chardonnay was flowing freely and I am quite warm.)

I suppose I am smarter than to let myself even consider looking back this way. It is very difficult however to let everything die. I suppose I can romanticize it in my head.

I know I've been told there is negative energy around me keeping potential partners at bay. Is there really? What about the clueless girls?

Bah. Maybe I'll just sober up and erase this whole post.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Came So Close

Almost bought myself a pack of smokes tonight. No particular reason why - I just saw them and wanted them. Picked them up and smelled the fresh leafy smell through the cellophane. They smell so good that way. I really had to remind myself of the nausea I'd experience lighting one up, the foul stink of the burning paper and smoke, the inevitable headache I'd encounter. but damn - even now my mouth waters thinking about it.

I am so lucky I was never an alcoholic, that my vice and addiction was simple like nicotine. Simple for me, anyway. I am smoke-free 17+ months now. I don't preach to smokers to quit. If I met a girl that smokes, I'd have no qualms about kissing her. It might make it harder still to resist the tempatations, though.

My mind always seems to want cigs. Right now I have had a glass of wine and have a nice light buzz going. The smoking just goes with the drinking.

Then there's the $$$ aspect. Holy hell (thanks Steph) are those suckers expensive! Why I remember... yeah yeah yeah - packs under $2.00. Whatever, gramps. Go back to sleep.

Anyway, I am tired and I am glad (sorta, for now anyway) that I didn't smoke.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

How Not To Change Your Oil

Well I have to admit I was way psyched to pay $1.97 for gas yesterday. Wow. I thought $2.00+ was going to be it forever. Made me realize I should pay a little more attention to my car.

So I looked under the hood for the first time in while. Checked the oil - it was low so I added a quart. That was Thursday night. Friday morning I noticed a funny smell, chalking it up to a bad exaust. Older car ('99) in the NE states with salt & rust. Figured it's time, right?

Nope - not me. Not so lucky. Tonight I stopped back in to the office. Upon leaving, I got nearly a block away and noticed the engine saying grhunxchnkadahnkadahnkada. So I pulled over and noted that the cap was off the oil resevoir,


Look at that glistening engine. Why,everything in there has a nice light coating of fortyweight.

I am SO damn lucky I did not:

A) Statrt the engine on fire

B) run the sucker dry

So three quarts later after limping cautiously 2 blocks to the Walgreens, the Altima is humming along as if nothing ever happened. Boy is she a forgiving little 4-banger. I think perhaps a guilt-visit to the carwash is in order. And a legitimate oil change.

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