Please Stand By

So the words haven't magically arranged themselves in my head. The only chasing around here is the rats (my kids, if you've just joined in) running around the dining room table. But I have to say I am enjoying not thinking about writing right now. Spending time with the boys is good stuff.


>>Randomia: The original version of New Order's Blue Monday, released in 1983, is the biggest selling 12-inch single ever.

A Title That Words Won't Do Justice

Il n'y a aucun dieu, mais Dieu.
Il n'y a aucun amour, mais amour.
Il n'y a personne, mais de vous.

It is NOT better to write bad poetry than to not write at all. Especially when it feels forced. I hate that. the forced thing, that is. I know I have something in me right now. Sort of brewing and storming in my head. It's going to spew forth soon. Well, I hope it is.

Poetry just has to be. There is talk of being a good writer, needing to write every day. I'm sure for novelists that holds true. I can't say (from my perspective) that it holds true for poets. I'm bound to have people disagree with me and that's fine. I just know for me that there is a zone that I am led to (that is the essence of how I feel) and that there is an image or idea that gets clearer as I get deeper in that zone.

"Well if you wrote more, you'd be able to get back there readily." Nope - quantity does not produce quality. Not a matter of practice. Just a matter of being able to run with it when the thoughts fall into place and I have good things happening.

I look back at some of my better poems (yes, I think I have written some crap) and wonder how I came up with it. Sometimes it is almost like I am posessed, and have no memory of writing it once I finish. A lot of what I do write are songs - not that there's anything wrong with that. Just happens that I play bass & guitar.

So I will go back to bed, let the words chase themselves round in my head. Perhaps in the morning the vision will be there and I will have my inspiration.

Rhythm

Inside the catastrophic soul
The uneasy tempo
of a heart
echoes
amid litter
of longings before
where daylight once shone
now only shadowy
feelings of
sorrow
sit silently
bearing the burden
of lovers and loss and logic
justifying existence
for being
alone
but never
believing that love
can e'er be found if sought.
Do not ask for the
impossible
when
the miracle
that you once knew
dances like sparks crackling
from logs on the fire
burnt again
when
you reached
to touch the flickering
flame burning with vengance.


~Peter Damian Harzewski ©2-8-2005

OK, So Who Wants To Get Laid??

Today a friend referred to a gentleman acquaintance's motivation being that he "probably wanted to get laid." As a man, I quietly asked myself "well, duh - who doesn't?" But I realized the context, and stepped back to examine more fully what this really means to me.

I am a man. I like sex. So far so good. But here's where the incredulous headshake comes in on your part. I'm going on record to say I do not believe I have ever gone out to meet someone soley for the purpose of knocking boots.

What?

Yeah, it's true. I'm a bit of a throwback I suppose. Sort of old-fashioned & gentlemanly. A nice guy. Former Boy Scout. Fairly clean-cut. But does this make me a prude or dysfunctional? Not at all. I guess if all I wanted was a sure-thing for one night only, there are ways to pay for it. But I'm not about that.

I like to say to my friends "I may be easy, but I'm not cheap." The other side of that coin should read "...and I'm actually pretty damn picky." If a woman captures my fancy, then I am usually examining the potential of a relationship. And if she is someone with whom I wouldn't want to be involved in a relationship, why even go anywhere else with it?

Guys are dogs, you say. Yeah, we are. Pack animals. In the company of the pack, we all howl, we all talk the tough talk and boast about what we could do with that little number in the corner. Truth is, get most any one of us alone and the behavior changes.

So I am willing to wait for when the situation is right, the person is right, and everything will be right.

Grimly I Beseech Thee

Lo and behold, he hath returned. Even in this hour of darkness, he finds the ability to blog.

Yeah it was a sucky day all around. I really do not want to get into the details this time. If you know me, you know what fires me up and what gets me down. Today despite all the sunshine & blue skies, I was brought down to my knees. Twice.

I am starting to let it go, but all I really want to do is sleep all day. And eat potato chips. I don't think hacking into porn sites will make me feel any better. (Did I say that out loud?? Damn - don't even realize what the hell I am doing...)

You Owe Me a Coke

...If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

If you had the luck of the Irish
You'd be sorry and wish you were dead
You should have the luck of the Irish
And you'd wish you was English instead!

We place so much weight on luck. We give credence to the belief that good luck or bad luck follows us, cycles around us, and factors in the daily occurrences of our lives.

There have been good things that have been happening on occasion, mostly random things that were unplanned. But the things I have thought about, have hoped for? I'm pretty much 0-for-everything. I have the Schleprock factor working for me. Witness the following:

- Buffalo Bills: 0-4 in the Super Bowl

- Buffalo Sabres: 0-2 in Stanley Cups

- Voted for Gore

- Voted for Kerry

- Wanted Letterman to replace Carson

- Bought stock in Commodore instead of Microsoft


You get the idea. But maybe my luck is changing. The Red Sox won the World Series. Phil Mickelson won the Masters. I rooted for both.


Baby steps. Take what you can. ;)

About Damn Time

I should offer an apology for my absence. I just didn't feel inspired or motivated to write about anything, I've been busy with both jobs and felt absolutely uninteresting. What changed? Some interactions with a wonderful person - a true visionary soul who made me realize my worth (or rather, reminded me of it.) And some music I discovered by Imogen Heap. I have placed a lyrics link on my blog. Her voice just stirs things within me - fear, hope, desire, loss, pain, release. It just clicks with me.

Also, a very dear friend is now in Iraq, just outside the Baghdad airport. This is her first active deployment downrange in her 15+ years in the military. She is excited, I am nervous. But like the second-string QB who finally gets some real game experience, THIS is what she has trained for. Her reason for being in the Army. All I want is for her to come home - hopefully intact. Keep her and all our other soldiers in your thoughts.

Lastly, at 129,000 miles, the "service engine soon" light just came on my '99 Nissan Altima. I hate the thought of spending large sums of $$$ to find out I need my gas cap replaced. I hate cars.