$1.87 for Regular

I was excited to find a gas station with regular under $1.90. Wow - first time in a while it's been that low. I almost called someone to tell them "yeah guess what? I'm paying $1.87 right now for regular. What did YOU pay?" I'm a dork like that sometimes. But I can also remember 2 years ago when gas made the last jump to stay over $1.00. It's funny. Many of us recall our parents commenting "I remember when gas was 35¢ a gallon..." and we thought they were corny. Now here we are.

When We Give Thanks

Thanksgiving posts usually have that sappy drip of, "oh how grateful I am for all I have." No shit. That IS the idea. I realize that every day which is key to living well in the big world.

I am also grateful for things that I HAD, but no longer do. I am grateful for the things I DON'T have which we don't need to list, but let your imagination run. I'm sure you'll get the idea.

But I do want to say thank you to my friends. People that choose to be friends with me and have given me so much in so many ways.

BHD, hobbitt, and Lily - you made me feel more welcome and comfortable being myself than I have in a while. Spending the day with wonderful and real folks like you is something that I treasure, and hope to do again.

LA - my best friend whom I've known since 1982. You've been my truth & concsience, my guide & confidant. You've never failed me even when I denied you. You are the one-in-a-million that we are lucky to find.

Jen, the friend I've never met. We share so much, know so much, and feel so much the same way. It's spooky! You know we will always be great friends even if we never occupy the same physical space - we are always in each other's heads.

Katie & Jess, every day you share the cycnical laughter of a jaded old man. It's nice to know that your curmudgeon training is going well. You gals rock!

Kelly, even though you'll be far away in harm's way, I know you'll be OK. What we've been through has shown we will live through anything.

Jay - nothing more needs to be said (The less we say, the less we get in trouble.)

KK - you've taught me that it IS always possible to go on.

My RP family - you have given me many smiles & laughs, and even shared sorrows. Every one of you are a blessing in your own way.

If I've not mentioned you directly, please don't feel hurt - this is just one of those things that just gets rattled off and comes from the heart. I didn't plan to leave anyone out.

Sonnet for No One Right Now

Sonnet for No One Right Now

Love seeks love like its own kind
And never to deny its own self
To honor union twixt heart and mind
While hoping to better its own wealth
Love's not proud nor wont of fame
When fame's light fades after morn
The foundling lover cries your name
Your name's from where love's borne
From night to day to night again
Love evens the rise and fall
Of hearts and tides, and heartless men
Who fail to heed love's call
Love takes from none but those who give
And live to love and love to live.

~Peter Damian Harzewski
10/07/04

I Work

This is me. This is what I am going to do now. I work. I do not date. I do not go out. I work. I take care of my kids. I work. I try to remember to eat. I do my laundry. I work. I pay my bills. I balance my checkbook. I work.

Did I expect to be like this? No - of course not. Are there worse things that could happen? Hell yeah. Strange to say I am lucky to work two jobs, but it is true. I try to find positives where I can.

The negative I can't spin in any way is I get to spend less time with the kids. Their mom is almost angry about it. I cannot tell if she is upset that I won't see them as much, or that my need to work more cuts into her time away from the kids. Splitting up is hell. How do you balance a new life with the old? I miss seing my boys every day. And now I see them even less. This was a difficult thing to do. I try to find positives where I can, but there are none here.

At least I can work. This is what I can do.

The Dating Pool

Dating as an adult is FAR different than anything ever encountered in my youth. For one thing, women are a lot pickier now it seems. I thought perhaps this was a misconception on my part, so I took a look at a well-known dating site. I selected a random zip code and browsed some of the ads from guys in my age range to get a sense of the "competition". Maybe I just wasn't measuring up to the available male dating population. Here's what I found:

I was First Team All-Star on my cell block's BBQ team.

My first big break was as a stand-in for Eric Stoltz in "Mask". Now I'm hoping to land some work on a David Spade flick.

B!!! Butthead!!!

Well, it worked to get Paulina Porizkova, didn't it?

I have a third eybrow. It is on my chin.

My Sappy Side

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty ... he said no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever ... and he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face, the guy grabbed her arm and said "You're not pretty you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die"

OK - if you know me, then you know this is my M.O. I can't help it. Once a hopeless romantic, always hopeless.

Thanks to Katie.

Double Duty

Today I finally start a second job. Nothing glamorous. Just a night gig at a local store. After a few weeks on the floor, they will have me be their night manager of the courtesy desk. ResearchGuy has people skills



This is where I had hoped to not end up. I suppose it is common for the divorced dad with child support payments. It's sad though that to keep a roof over my head for the kids to spend time with me, I need to work more and see my kids less.

All in all I know I am lucky to have one job let alone two. I'd like to think I could do something different, but I don't think I do anything better than what I currently do for my "real job." I suppose it is a matter of translating those skills to something different, and selling myself to fill the job.

I also admit that change scares me. We all like our comfort zone. New is exciting and good, but familiar is far more comfortable.

Also benefits aren't what they used to be. I need to make sure my kids stay covered, and jumping to a new job could leave them exposed. COBRA is available, but pricey. What's a non-custodial, caring, hardworking dad to do?

I should be excited, but I feel more like I am heading down a dead-end. Let's hope that it passes once I get to work tonight.

Testing the E-mail Updating

Thought I'd try to see how this feature works in the event I get a sudden & uncontrollable flash of brilliance. It's nice to have these little features to make this fun.

EDIT: had to go in & remove the virus disclaimer that work tags onto all e-mails & change the font. It also seemed to screw with the headers & links. Maybe not so good. We'll see.

Lost post

I was working on a post - a good 45 minutes into it. Writing away. Streaming about some goings on around here. Decided I'd spell-check what I had.

The whole thing disappeared.

Something to do with a pop-up blocker. I don't even know. I don't care.

I'm just frustrated as hell now. And this was after writing about something entirely different for 15 minutes, then deciding it was going nowhere and changing gears.

Maybe this will teach me to write offline, or pay attention to what the hell I am doing. Of course I am writing this directly in my blog. I have to learn the VERY hard way.

Grrrr.

First Snowfall

The first snowfall of the season never lasts. The herald of the coming season draws our attention with a glistening blanket woven with holiday dreams. As the day wears on, the snow melts, and all we are left with is wet shoes and the tease of a memory jostled.

For me, snow still holds magic. For a moment, when everything is coated like frosted mini-wheats, there is a peace & beauty that is unspoiled. It makes you forget about the things that trouble you, about the late car payment, the unfinished project at work. Snow drifts down and settles on your car like the cat that pads into a room and is suddenly nestled beside you on the couch. Well, most times it does. Sometimes it beats you mercilessly until you collapse beneath 7 feet of the stuff. Thankfully those times are few and far between.

It is always a privilege to see the world through the eyes of a child. My boys both greeted the morning with shouts of delight, proclaiming "it's snow!" And indeed it was. Not a headache, or a nuisance, something to shovel, or the reason I was late. Just snow.

For one day each year, I am taken back to a time when the innocence of childhood replaces everything else.

Does Country Music Really Glorify Alcohol Abuse?

The recent Country Music Association Awards saw top honors for Musical Event of The Year, and Music Video of the Year go to Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss for "Whiskey Lullaby." A heartbreaking story of two lovers who could not escape the grasp of the bottle.

Alcoholism is a difficult lifelong battle for many folks. Do songs like this, as well as many others, play to a stereotype of a hard-drinking life that goes with the territory of being a country music fan? Is it time for parental groups to start a campaign against the alcohol imagery in country music?

to wit:

¤ Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me

¤ Drinkin' Bone

¤ If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure

¤ If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will

¤ Whiskey Bent And Hell Bound


Maybe the answer lies with the Hank Williams, Jr. song "Family Tradition"

Country music singers have always been a real close family
But lately some of my kinfolk have disowned a few others and me
I guess it's because I went and changed my position
Lord, I guess I went and broke their family tradition

They yell, they wanna know:
"Hank.."Why do you drink? Why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out the songs that you wrote?
Stop and think it over - try to put yourself in this position
When I get stoned, I'm just carryin' on and old family tradition.

Now I am very proud of my daddy's name
Although his kind of music and mine ain't exactly the same
Stop and think it over - try to put yourself in my position
When I get stoned and sing all night long it's just a family tradition

Don't ask me: "Hank..."Why do you drink? Why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out them songs that you wrote?
If I'm down in a honky tonk, and some ole slick's tryin' to gimme some friction
I says "Leave me alone, I'm stayin' all night long 'cause it's a family tradition"

Lordy, I have loved some ladies, and I still love Jim Beam
They both tried to kill me in nineteen seventy-three
When that doctor asks me "Son, how'dja get in this condition?"
I says "Hey Sawbones, I'm just a-carryin' on the old family tradition."

So don't ask me: "Hank..."Why do you drink? Why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out them songs that you wrote?
Stop and think it over - try to put yourself in my unique position
When I get stoned and sing all night long, it's just a family tradition."

Welcome to MY Mind

It's not a pretty thing, used and abused, cobwebs in the corners. But it serves me well and now I'd like to open it up and share with you some of what goes on in here - the random trivia, poetry, observations, pictures, rants, and small miracles that make up my daily life.

I may not be here every day. I may not be interesting (in your eyes) every day. All I am going to be is me. After all, isn't that what the nosy little bugger in you wants to know about?

So welcome! I look forward to an interesting adventure.